MEGAN MCDUFFEE - Inner Demons
Written by KIZUNAUT
What do you get when you combine an award-winning videogame soundtrack composer, a singer who has collaborated with over 40 artists and a skilled retrowave producer? The answer is Megan McDuffee, a name that has become quite familiar within the synthwave scene and beyond it. Within the synthwave scene she has been an ubiquitous collaborator, lending her talents as a singer to a great many producer, perhaps most notably Scandroid and Mitch Murder. Outside of the synthwave scene she has been establishing herself as a soundtrack composer, making music for the games River City Girls, Plunge, Hostile Takeover and Mimic: Arena and the film The Yellow Wallpaper.
In some ways Megan McDuffee has been a woman of two worlds, making mostly instrumental and soundtrack work under her own name while singing as a featuring artist for others. Inner Demons sees her producing a full-length pop album under her own name for the first time. Drawing influences from Depeche Mode, Massive Attack, IAMX and ‘80s film soundtracks, the moody electro pop found within the album that is in equal measures modern and retro, opening yet another new sonic frontier for the already diverse artist.
Megan describes the album as ”the culmination of my inner monologues, struggles, desires, and musical soul. This is truly my album, I did absolutely everything in the creation of this release,” and the album feels very personal. This feeling is furthered by the simple, but effective, artwork which features the artist herself lying down against a dark background. This is truly her presenting herself to the world.
As one could perhaps surmise from the album title, the subject matter of the album leans on the darker side of life. The lyrics found within the album deal with various personal themes including desire, jealousy, regret, letting go of the past and a kind of dark, dependent romance. The tone of it all is melancholic, but not depressive. It feels like Megan is seeking to find some kind of closure through this album. I find anchoring the album in personal experience gives it a wonderful air of sincerity and reality, and I welcome the synth scene shifting towards more grounded subject matters.
The production choices of the album play very well with the themes and overall tone of the album. The sound choices and mixing are smooth, subtle, bassy and clean with a certain dreamlike quality to it all. The production at times strongly recalls Massive Attack, and those who have been wishing for some kind of trip-hop revival have had their prayers answered. Megan's voice serves as the lead instrument, and is clearly at the forefront of the mix, and her style and delivery fits the overall mood very well. The overall choice of sounds, mixing and mastering of the album are exquisite. There is not a single instance of instruments fighting for space or getting lost in the mix. Everything has enough space to really breathe. Even the most subtlest synth passes and percussive clicks are there to be heard. And there are a lot of subtle details and changes that the tracks build over time, rewarding the active listener.
This is not an album you put into earbuds while riding the subway. It needs to be listened to in a noise-free environment from good headphones or speakers to be fully appreciated. In an age that rewards music that can fight with the noise that permeates modern life, the subtle production is a bold choice that plays well with the themes found within the album and it's done masterfully. The mastering done by Pete Maher who has had a long career working with various artists including U2 and Nine Inch Nails serves as the wonderful finishing touch to it all.
The album opens with the gentle electric piano chords of 13th Hour. A rhythm somewhat reminiscent of 90s R'n'B then kicks in, with Megan's singing floating over it. Occasional arpeggios and airy, resonant synths swirl around the stereo image. The arpeggio unfurls and then the song moves into it's chorus which is colored by subtle synth hits and passes of almost flute-like synth. The track has a very dreamlike atmosphere, the association furthered by the ”I don't know if I am awake or dreaming” line of lyrics that comes up in the chorus. The song follows a kind of an extended pop formula, cycling through several verses and choruses, spaced by a very brief pause. Each repeat brings some kind of small repeat to the synth elements looming in the background, setting the structural formula for much of the album.
Under Your Knife is sheer trip-hop with it's ultra low bass, thumping kicks and clicky percussion. Subtle sweeps of synth brass and glitchy sound effects lurk in the background. The chorus has a bit more of a synthpop flavor, featuring an arpeggiated, deep bassline and a bit prominent splashes of synth brass. The track also features Michael Garret Steele as a guest vocalist, turning it into a kind of a dark duet about being under the influence of another. The track drips with possessive, gothic romance.
Possession (Your Love) opens with a mix of atmospheric synths and bass arps that could serve as the opening to a more typical retrowave-oriented song. Instead, it follows the more dreamy, downtempo quality the previous songs have demonstrated. The verses feature a slow, stripped-down four-to-the-floor beat, arpeggiated synth bass and rolling, sharp synths which give the track an almost industrial-like quality. The dreamy choruses are pure synthpop, with passes of high-pitched twinkly synths and bending string-like synths giving it extra color.
A heavily filtered bouncy bassline and deep kicks open Wicked Thing. Occasional passes of echoing guitars dance over the beat with Megan's singing. Snare drums and hihats come in and the song comes alive for it's driving chorus, before returning to it's much subtler verse. The mix of the danceable beat and the atmospheric guitars makes this perhaps the most openly Depeche Mode-influenced song on the album. One of my personal favorites from the album.
Jealousy begins bass synths squirming around the stereo field before coming together the form the backbone for a beat that's a bit heavier than on the previous songs. Soaring lead guitars meet Megan's vocals. The choruses feature cool high-pitched synths lurking at the extreme ends of the stereo field. The song is a bit more energetic, a bit less athmospheric than what has been offered so far. It's also a bit of a thematic shift, as the previous songs had dealt with certain kind of dark romanticism. The subject matter here is dealing with jealousness of other's success, people's fixation with surface level appearances and commercialism. ”No talent to match the kind of money they spend”, ”no-one really thinks who is behind the scenes, it all comes down to marketing”, ”all for the show, it's always about who you know” and ”constant hustling but no-one gives a damn” are among the lyrics. The absolute highlight of the album for me for its energy and frank way of addressing feelings that a lot of musicians have.
Opening with a thumping bass arpeggio and sweeps of airy synth brass, You're Not Alone is perhaps the most retrowave song in the album, having a very synthpop style and the most 1980s inspired sounds. The lyrics deal with pursuing dreams, letting go of things, being ignored despite your best efforts and how sharing your heart with the world leaves you vulnerable. But in the end, there are other people in similar circumstances out there. A kind of tender melancholy permeates the very airy song.
Regrets starts with deep bass hits and airy, resonant synth hits. It offers an interesting interlude, having no lyrics, with Megan singing abstract, melancholic lines over a foreboding beat. A rather sinister sounding interlude splits the track in two, the first half featuring occasional splashes of electric piano arps, the second half featuring a larger variety of synths along Megan's singing. The track oozes with a wonderful dark, mysterious mood and shows Megan's skill at composing melodies. Another personal favorite.
Everything and Nothing is a purely instrumental piece. It begins with a bubbling synth arp that is then joined by weepy synth lines and electric piano chords. Gentle strings sweep in before the track fades out to a part with the electric piano playing lead role. The weepy synths come back in and the track starts adding more and more elements. The electric piano melody changes up, an arpeggiated bassline breaks through the surface and a sharp synth arpeggio joins the dance. The track then strips itself to just the electric piano, a very soft arp and a low bassline before ending.
Offering a return to the vocal pop formula, Control opens with a slow backbeat and pulsing, low basslines. Various synths, passes of electric piano and occasional splashes of bright, twinkly guitars color the melancholic song. The chorus is a bit brighter than the rest of the track and features the guitar more prominently, where it plays in cool interlacing patterns with the synths. The lyrics deal with being judged on social media. ”Don't let them control you from the outside, only you can see the truth from the inside”, Megan reminds us in the chorus. A message sorely needed for these times.
The album ends with Moving On, a trip-hop influenced piece. It features a slow, bassy beat with heavily reverbed guitars swirling around. A higher-pitched, sparse guitar line twinkles over the beat. The track slowly builds more elements on itself, adding clicky, bright synths to the chorus, more prominent guitars, and a string passage. The track is overall somewhat more lusher sounding than the previous ones, and mixed with the slowly building up structure it feels like walking towards the light after being in a dark tunnel. The lyrics of the song are about dealing with pressures and insecurities, and reinforce the impression, ending the album on a cautiously optimistic note. ”Moving on, won't be long till I find my stride, don't wanna waste this life” A well-composed closer and a great way to end the album.
Overall, the album is very well composed and produced, with the aesthetic choices supporting the chosen themes very well. I also found it one that grew better with time as I started picking out the subtler details and lyrics more and more. As for points of critique, I feel like the album could have perhaps benefited from a bit different track order. As of now, the album kind of clusters together several sonically and thematically similar tracks. Perhaps this is an intentional way of building a kind of subtle narrative, but switching a couple of tracks around could have perhaps improved the structure of the album. I also found myself wishing that some of the synths looming in the background could have been just ever so slightly more forward in the mix.
Beyond the high merits of composition and production, I found the lyrical themes of especially the latter half to be extremely relevant. The feelings of frustration of others getting ahead of you and the paradoxical sense of being simultaneously ignored and judged on social media and feeling burned out with grinding and hustling are probably far more pervasive in the indie music scene. It takes real courage to bring those feelings out and deal with them in as mature way as Megan has done here. The suffering artist, the ”it's called painting because it requires pain” mentality may be to some extent harmful myths, but there is real value in using music to handle negative emotions, those inner demons.
The album is well-worth a listen for everyone who is interested in darker strands of pop music or trip-hop, but also worth a listen if you are a musician struggling with feelings of irrelevancy, invisibility or frustration. After repeated listens I started to find the album rather cathartic. I can't really remember any other album that would have been perhaps as thematically relevant for indie musicians as this one. Megan McDuffee indeed isn't alone with these inner demons and with this album she has proven herself not only as an accomplished composer, producer and singer, but also as someone willing to tackle difficult matters. I eagerly await her future ventures.
Keep updated with Megan McDuffee’s work: https://meganmcduffee.bandcamp.com